Blood Burdens (The Shadow World) Page 11

  My voice is so cold when I respond to him, that I’m surprised I couldn’t see my breath. “Do you think I give a damn about proving myself to you? All I care about is keeping her safe,” I say, pointing toward Addie, “and surviving.”

  Witten peers down at me with a glare in his eyes. “While you’re focusing on that, why don’t you prove us all wrong and gain some control?” Without another word or time for me to retort, Witten brushes past me and makes his way over to Dagna, who is sitting on one of the white couches.

  Witten’s words ride the waves of my thoughts. Others have challenged me to do the same. Meira gives me a cold, calculating look as she guides Addie over to the tables they have set up with maps, lists, and scrying utensils scattering their surfaces.

  I ignore Meira and start pacing the floor. The need to run, fly, or do something proactive makes me itchy. I’m restless from waiting but I need to stay because like before, I don’t know where to go. Meira keeps watch on me as the others focus on the maps before them. There are seven work tables scattered around the room. The Elders worked this way so more energy could be focused on a smaller area, versus the whole world. I don’t understand why they were scrying for Cerelia or those kidnapped anyway. It didn’t work last time. Why do they think it will work this time?

  The front door opens and in walks Lucas with more trained Witches. With this big a search, the Elders need a few more hands to help. They set the new Witches up on a different table. The Elders each pick a table to help, assigning Lucas, Danika, and Addie to help with the rest of the tables.

  My anger starts to re-surface as they continue to ignore me. I could try scrying. If Hecate told them I needed to help, then why weren’t they allowing me to do that? My fists clench in and out as I try to keep my anger in control. Whenever I get set off, it takes a while to calm the raging beasts inside me, and Witten’s comments from earlier are still eating at me.

  I start to make my way over to Addie’s table when Meira cuts her cold blue eyes on me as she rises from her seat. “I want you to go meditate.”

  I stop and stare at the crazy pixie before me with disbelief. She can’t be serious. With everything that’s going on she wants me to take a break to meditate. Elder or no, I give her my best glare. “Why don’t you go meditate? Take a minute to untwist your tail. I thought Elders were supposed to be open and guiding, not so closed and bitchy.”

  Meira steps forward and before I can react, she wraps the two of us up in a blue light. I try moving away from her but I can’t. My anger returns and instead of moving backward, I try moving forward. But it useless. Seems that the Witch has me in lock-down.

  “You will not speak to me this way. You almost lost control earlier, because of your rage. You need to learn how to maintain balance or you’re going to prove to everyone that you really are nothing but an out-of-control monster just like everyone thinks. You want respect and action? Earn it.”

  I want to slap her, punch her, heck, even spit in her face but I can’t. All I can do is move my lips. “I have earned it! Who helped save everyone last time Cerelia pulled this crap? Me. I help even though I don’t want to. Do you think it’s easy for me to work alongside people who have tormented me from childhood? I shouldn’t even care or want to save this wretched earth but for some unknown reason I do.”

  Meira steps closer to me. Her voice is stern when she speaks again, “You may have earned a measure of respect with the Coven for helping against Cerelia, but there are a whole slew of beings out there who still don’t trust you. Continuing to isolate yourself not only from them but from yourself only strengthens their doubt.” Meira steps back but the disgusted smirk she gives me stings. “Your mother would be ashamed of you. The way you act so weak and victimized.” Meira shakes her head, “If she wasn’t already dead, your actions would kill her.”

  Meira releases the blue energy bubble and I’m free to move. Without hesitation I launch myself at Meira. But before my fist can connect with her face, I’m grabbed from behind by Natahala and Ethan. Damn. If it wasn’t for their strength and speed, that pixie hag would’ve been mine.

  “Don’t, Racquel.” There’s a warning note in Danika’s voice as she walks up beside Meira.

  Meira turns to Danika and using her Elderly voice she says, “Take her to her room and coach her on some of our meditation techniques.” I try to interrupt but Meira holds her hand up, silencing me. I can feel her power crackle around us. “This is non-negotiable.”

  I bore holes into Meira as she turns her back on me to rejoin her group. There are more than thirty people in here concentrating their powers on finding Cerelia. Even if they didn’t watch the argument, they hear it. I want to rip Meira apart for insulting me, for calling me out in front of everyone.

  Ethan still has a firm grip on me when Addie and Danika walk over to join our merry group. “Are you sure this is a good idea?” Ethan asks, looking more at Addie rather than Danika.

  Addie waves him off with an amused expression. “She’ll be fine. We got her.”

  What am I, a deranged lunatic? I roll my eyes at their attitude and jerk away, ready to leave on my own. I fix my eyes on Meira as I make my way out. It goes unnoticed, since she has her back turned to me.

  Once outside, I let out an irritated growl. “I can’t believe she did that.”

  Addie gives me a pointed look. “You provoked her.”

  “How did I provoke her? I didn’t do anything to her. Oh but I have an itch to now.”

  With exasperation, Addie starts ticking off items on her fingers. “You called her out on her Elder abilities. You called her a bitch. Oh, and then you tried to attack her.” Addie clucks her tongue. “Yep, I call that provoking.”

  “Well she was acting like a superficial, stuck-up wench.” Addie and Danika both laugh at my irritation. I roll my eyes at them, they just don’t get it. “Really. Can we trust her? Hanalei acted different from the other Elders but I ignored it. After what happened, I’m not going to let that happen again. Meira has been quiet and rude ever since I met her. And what she said about my mother is unacceptable.” Yeah, she may have stood up for me after my vision but that doesn’t make her a saint.

  “There’s a reason she’s like that with you Racquel.” Addie grabs her mouth like she shouldn’t have said that. Danika just raises her brow, bites the inside of her cheek, and looks away.

  Yeah, like those aren’t signs of someone keeping secrets. “Why would she have any reason to treat me that way, Addie?”

  Neither one seems willing to answer. They glance around at everything but me, so I walk. I stride across the grounds until I reach a tree, I lean against the trunk, and cross my arms. “I’m not leaving this spot until you tell me what’s going on.”

  Addie’s shoulders slump. “Come on Racquel. We don’t have time for you to be a baby right now.” I flinch at the insult, but shake it off just as quickly, knowing that Addie is trying to deflect me from the topic. Instead of arguing with her or defending myself, I just stand there with my eyebrows raised.

  “You just want to drag her back to the dorm?” Danika asks Addie with a amusement.

  Addie snorts at the thought. “She would just fight us and you know she’s stronger.”

  Danika gives a calculating side-to-side head shake. “True. We could try to tag team our magic against her. Restrain her from fighting back.” I start to get annoyed at their banter on how to contain me.

  Luckily for them Addie has her doubts. “I don’t think that would work either. She’s been working on manipulating her power. She could probably block anything we threw at her. We’re nowhere near as strong as Meira.” Addie looks over at me and sighs. “She probably needs to know anyway.”

  Danika flashes Addie a warning look then walks to a log bench and sits down with a plop, probably figuring we will be here for a bit. She pulls out her phone as Addie walks over to where I am, a somber expression on her face. I start to question whether or not I should be pushing Addie on this, but stop myself
. I’ve been babying Addie on a lot of things here lately. They want to play grownups, fine. I’m not backing down from this one. “So, why is Meira treating me so differently?”

  Addie bites down on her lip before she answers. Nervously, she says, “Well…she’s your aunt. Our aunt.”

  My jaw drops so hard I swear I hear it crack. Meira’s my aunt? That couldn’t be possible, could it? I didn’t know any of mom’s family, but I always figured they had disappeared from the Covenant, from shame at what their daughter did. No way would I have pictured one of them becoming an Elder one day.

  When I mentally compare Meira to pictures I have of my mother. the resemblance is so obvious. There’s no way to miss it. I can see reflections of my mom’s eye shape, color, even the curve of her lips mirrored on Meira’s face. Why didn’t I make the connection before?

  “Racquel?” Addie asks in a hushed tone.

  As Addie’s voice registers with my shell-shocked mind, a new thought hits me. “How long have you known?” I hear myself ask from a distant. I imagine the hurt is plain as day on my face. Why? How? How could she hide this from me?

  Addie tenses and averts her gaze. I had been hoping that this was a recent discovery for her too. That she hadn’t even known she had an aunt until recently. But the reaction I just got from her tells me otherwise. “Racquel…It’s just-”

  “Tell me Addie, how long have you known?” My hands are balled into fists at my sides. I can feel my anger rising again.

  Addie breaks her gaze away from the courtyard to look at me. She puts a brave face on and says, “I’ve known my whole life. Meira lives here. When I came up here during the summers I stayed with her.”

  I clench my jaw, my eyes tearing from pain and fury. I can’t believe they never told me. For the last eighteen years my grandmother lied to me, Addie lied to me, and Meira? She just never cared. How could Addie have come home every summer without feeling guilty enough to say anything? How could she betray me like this?

  Another question, one that hurts more than anything else, pops its ugly head into my mind. Why didn’t Meira ever want to meet me? The thought of Meira knowing I was out there but choosing not to care, stung. Oh, yeah, and the fact that she decided to visit with her full-blooded Witch niece doesn’t dull the ache any either.

  I shake my head in disbelief. “I can’t believe this. I can’t believe you knew and yet didn’t care enough to tell me.” I push past her, bumping shoulders, knocking her off balance. I know I shouldn’t be directing anger that’s meant for Meira at Addie but I do. Although, I am pretty pissed at Addie too.

  Addie grabs me from behind but she doesn’t have my strength. I can feel her trying to spin me around but she can’t. When I want to be stubborn, I’m very good at it. Of course, so is Addie. She runs to keep up with me, pleading for me to listen. I outpace her but that doesn’t deter her. I reach the door of the dorms with Addie still hot on my tail. I grab a hold of the door knob, pull, and find it locked. Why would the dorm door be locked?

  I look down to see a spark of blue coming from the key hole. I let out a loud growl and turn to Addie. Just like I suspected, she has her hand outstretched with an intense look of concentration. Well I can fix that. I raise my leg to bust through the door but stop before my foot connects. If I let my anger and hurt overtake my judgment and break the Elders property, they could use that as leverage to kick me out. Especially after I showed my ass this afternoon. One thing I didn’t want was to be left out of the loop on Cerelia.

  When Addie sees me hesitate, she runs around me, panting a little. “Just listen, please. Meira didn’t agree with the choice that mom made. She doesn’t understand the strength of a love that would make you betray your family beliefs. She still hasn’t married, just like most of the other Witches here. She doesn’t understand love and she surely didn’t understand mom’s decision when it came to dad.

  “The only reason I never told you about Meira was because I was trying to protect you. I didn’t want you hurt because of her old fashioned thinking. She, like everyone else, had expected the same thing from mom as they do all the other Witches. You know what those choices are Racquel. Meira believes in them wholeheartedly.”

  I know the choices, and think they are old-fashioned, and stupid. Basically, a female Witch has two options when it comes to love. One, if she finds a male Witch to ‘settle down’ with, they can live freely together anywhere in the world. Two, if a female Witch doesn’t find love with another male Witch, she has to stay with the Covenant or another Coven. This keeps the female Witches from straying away from the laws and also helps them feel like they have a family. Like I said, old-fashioned and stupid.

  “What does any of that have to do with me knowing about Meira?”

  “She doesn’t understand Racquel, none of them do. They don’t understand real love, mom’s decision, or you. It isn’t what’s expected of a Witch. I didn’t want Meira to hurt you with her beliefs.”

  Guilt plagues me a little bit, just a little bit. So Addie was only trying to protect me, as usual. Well sometime a little pain and truth is a lot better in the long run. Especially when you’re trying to cover up the pain with lies that will more than likely be revealed one day, causing more pain.

  I walk past Addie and yank on the dorm door. “Open the door, Addie.”

  I hear her sigh behind me, “I was only trying to protect you, Racquel.”

  I yank on the door again but Addie won’t give. I spin around and glare at her. “Open the door.” My voice is firm and menacing.

  So is Addie’s, “Not until we talk about this.”

  “Hmm, let me check my schedule. Yep, available for the last eighteen years, but I’m a little busy right now.” I turn back to the door. “Open it now, Addie.” My voice is filled with cold anger.

  The blue flame fades away and I hear the sound of the lock popping. I grab a hold of the door handle again. This time it opens. I enter the dorm building, storm down the hall to my room and plop down on my bed. I fall back against the soft pillows with tears in my eyes. The last few hours play out again in my mind. I still don’t believe it. How can things get so messed up within a few minutes? Heck, a few seconds? It’s crazy how someone can be riding on the happy train one second, then a second later, boom, get derailed at reality junction. The truth of the situation was plain as day. I was still unwanted and untrusted.

  I stare at the ceiling as I think about Meira. My aunt. How she willingly kept me out of her life because she didn’t agree with her sister’s decision when it came to who she loved. I can’t believe how something as beautiful as love can be made out to be a disgrace. In the Shadow World, falling for the wrong “race” was all it took to become an outcast. Forget what your heart is telling you. Forget who your soul is drawing you to. First you need to look at their blood line. If it’s not the same as yours, forget it.

  Addie’s lying hurt too. I knew she did it because she loved me and was trying to protect me but it still hurt. That’s all secrets and lies do, they just hurt whoever you’re trying to protect even more in the long run. I could sort of understand why Addie did it, but it was painful to know she’d lied to me in the first place. I think that hurt more than the reasons why. I also hated that I now doubted her. Could I ever believe anything she said again?

  My guilt monster attacks me as I think about all the things I’ve been keeping from her. I never lied per se, but I do keep things from her. Isn’t that the same as lying though? Before I have time to ponder that question and get consumed in my anger and guilt, I hear a light knock on the door.

  “Open up, Racquel.”

  I’m surprised to hear Danika’s voice behind the door. I had thought it would be Addie. She’s not one that likes to give up until the problem is resolved or her point has been proven.

  “Go away,” I snarl. I’m so not in the mood for Danika’s pompous attitude.

  “I’m under strict orders to make sure you do some spiritual balancing.” I can tell from the gloom in h
er voice that she would rather be anywhere else but outside my door. She knows I’m going to argue against what Meira wants, especially now.

  “I don’t care if Hecate herself sent you here—go away!” I spit out the last few words, hoping it connects with her brain that I don’t want to be bothered. But it doesn’t.

  “You know I can open this door if I want to.” I sigh, knowing she’s right. She could probably send it soaring into my room, through my wall, and out to the courtyard if she wanted to.

  Reluctantly, I get up and open the door. “I’m not balancing anything today.” I tell her.

  Danika steps into the room, shuts the door, she crosses her arms, and scrutinizes me. “Why not? Because of Meira? That’s a little childish don’t you think?”

  I flop back down on the bed and resume my ceiling watch. “So? I have eighteen years to make up for.”

  “Look, I know Meira pissed you off and that you’re mad at Addie too but you still need to be smart right now. I thought you wanted to find Cerelia?”

  Thinking about Cerelia reminds me of Micah. Before all the commotion, his plea for help had been echoing through my mind. The dream vision I had of him had temporarily been eclipsed by Meira and Addie’s antics.

  “Remember when Natahala told us the story of the dream walk?” I’m still looking at the ceiling as I start telling Danika my visions of Micah. I’m afraid I’ll lose my nerve if I look directly at her. “I didn’t want to say anything in front of Coy, but I had something similar happen to me before you called me this morning.”

  I set on up in my bed, scooting on back so I can rest my back on the headboard. Danika sits at the foot of the bed. She seems a little more relaxed since I steered the conversation away from Meira. I hate how much hold Danika allows the Elders’ to have over her. It was one thing to admire someone and look up to them. It was a totally different thing to let them rule your life.